She may have starred in 50 Shades of Grey, but Dakota Johnson’s sense of justice is anything but grey. In a recent lie detector interview with Vanity Fair, the actress opened up about an unusually primal form of revenge—and proved, once again, that loyalty is her love language.
When loyalty goes wild
Dakota Johnson has long been known for her deadpan humor, dry wit, and unwavering loyalty to the people she cares about. But even longtime fans may have been surprised by one of her most recent confessions: yes, she once sent gorilla feces to an ex-boyfriend of a close friend.
In a Vanity Fair polygraph interview released Thursday, June 5, the Materialists actress sat down to revisit the format she first took part in six years ago. This time, things got a little more… primal. After confirming that she’d be willing to lie to police to protect longtime friend Riley Keough—yes, even offering a false alibi—she was asked a follow-up question about how far her loyalty had gone in the past. “Did you once send a man who broke your friend’s heart a gallon of gorilla s—?” the interviewer asked. Without skipping a beat, Johnson nodded, then offered a low-key confirmation: “I mean, there’s no way that he would watch this, so, yes, I did do that.”
Revenge, but make it eco-friendly
As shocking (and hilarious) as the admission sounds, Johnson didn’t flinch. If anything, she leaned into the absurdity. “And it’s been quite a while. It’s been some years,” she added, laughing a little at the ridiculousness of the memory.
The lie detector confirmed she was telling the truth. The conversation quickly turned practical: how exactly does one mail gorilla poop anonymously? Johnson had the answer ready. “S—Senders.com,” she revealed, name-dropping the real-life novelty revenge gift site. “You can order any kind, any size.”
Though it may sound like a fictional plot point from one of her indie comedies, the site indeed exists—and offers various options of animal dung to be sent anonymously to unsuspecting recipients. Johnson’s cool, casual acknowledgment of using it only added to her mystique. When the interviewer jokingly asked whether she had ever purchased public lice (aka “crabs”) to send as a prank, Johnson immediately recoiled: “No! Good Lord, I’m not a monster.”
A breakup and a quiet rebrand
The humorous revelation comes at a moment when Johnson’s own love life has been under scrutiny. After nearly eight years of dating Coldplay frontman Chris Martin, 48, the pair have reportedly split—again. Though the actress has remained characteristically tight-lipped about their relationship, her recent solo appearances without an engagement ring have fueled speculation.
On June 2 and June 4, Johnson was photographed in New York City, noticeably without the ring. Just two weeks earlier, she and Martin had been spotted together in Malibu on May 16, sharing what appeared to be a peaceful outing. And earlier this year, in January, the couple were seen holding hands while in India—where Coldplay was touring.
The couple has had their share of quiet, low-key moments since first being linked in 2017. Despite their celebrity status, both Johnson and Martin were known for keeping their relationship largely out of the spotlight. Johnson’s mother, actress Melanie Griffith, commented on their connection during a 2018 Women’s Empowerment Luncheon, saying, “I adore him!” However, when asked for more details, Griffith added: “She is very private about her life and I respect that.” Even Johnson’s own words on the subject were measured. In a 2018 Tatler interview, she confirmed her happiness but declined to elaborate: “I’m not going to talk about it, but I am very happy.”
From indie queen to icon of controlled chaos
In the years since 50 Shades of Grey catapulted her into international stardom, Johnson has carefully cultivated a public image that balances elegance with edge. Whether poking fun at Ellen DeGeneres over an uninvited birthday party or appearing at fashion events in unbothered, offbeat glory, she’s mastered the art of being unpredictable—but always in control.
This latest viral moment—the gorilla poop anecdote—is emblematic of her persona: fiercely loyal, a little weird, and completely unbothered by what people think. It’s also a gentle reminder that Johnson doesn’t take herself too seriously, even when she’s dominating headlines. While her dating life might be in flux, her sense of justice—however unconventional—is evidently alive and well.
A woman who plays by her own rules
Whether it’s mailing animal feces, defending her friends’ honor, or navigating a famously private relationship with grace, Dakota Johnson has proven time and again that she does things on her own terms. She’s not afraid to laugh at herself, call out absurdity, or turn a breakup into a punchline.
In an age when celebrity image is often manicured to the point of blandness, Johnson stands out by being slightly unhinged in the best way possible. She’s not messy—she’s calculated chaos. The kind that mails gorilla poop not out of malice, but as a cheeky, petty form of closure.
As for the friend whose heartbreak sparked the simian surprise? Johnson didn’t name names, but we can only assume they were grateful for the gesture. In a world of “seen and not heard” celebrity culture, Dakota Johnson’s voice—dry, strange, loyal, and wildly funny—is one worth listening to.
